featherstrive (featherstrive) wrote,

The end is nigh

I think that even though I have been away for ages, I am slowly thinking I should be away forever. My bf broke up with me on Saturday, for various reasons- one being that he has given up on me. 

I can't believe how this obsession of mine has caused me to loose the most amazing guy I have ever and will ever meet. That can't be good surely? Not when I have my parents, sister, and two of my closest friends worrying about me and pleading with me to get help. I have always thought that what I was doing was normal and that there was nothing wrong with me, but after a while of everybody telling you to get help you start to realise that this just isn't!

I went to the nurse today- the first step of many I think. She has sent me to have a blood test, told me to put on weight, and said that my heart rate was too high and that I may have an infection and that I was dehydrated. I didn't tell her anything else- not ready yet- but it will be soon, this will stop.

I can't loose anyone else..... But I have to do this for me now. I have to show him that I can and that I am getting better

I've screwed this right up and I never thought it would get to this. 

Don't put yourself through the pain that I have gone through, if someone is telling you to get help DO IT. No ifs, no buts, no "just let me get to this weight" Just do it because you might get to a point where nobody is there anymore and then you really are screwed.

Not signing off just yet, can't quite let go, but the time when I say goodbye for good is imminent 




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